For those who do not know, I am a contributor for the innovative online support network "Their Story is our Story," a unique way to connect to others who are cancer survivors, fighters, caregivers, supporters and bereaved. TSOS is story driven; healing is promoted through telling one's story. A bevy of research has shown the physical, emotional, and psychological benefits of writing out one's story. In this way, TSOS is a groundbreaking resource for anyone wishing to gain support. Read my article below:
“I’m just so scared right now, and you know, I’ve got no one to talk to about it.” It was my final day at my internship with St. Barnabas Hospice, and although I had just dropped in to finalize paperwork with my supervisor, I ended up talking to one new patient before I left. These were the words of a 57 year old man dying from lung cancer and unsure if hospice care was right for him.
Among his many concerns about his failing health, more than anything he wanted to have someone to talk to, to reflect with on his experience. As a hospice patient/family volunteer, I visited with individuals who were dying and work with family members living with a loved one with a terminal illness. At the heart of my visits was one simple sentence: “I’m here to listen.” Here was a man facing terminal cancer, and he realized that he had a story he wanted to tell before it was too late; the story of his life. All he wanted was an audience.
This is the message behind “Their Story is Our Story;” we each have a story to tell, whether we are survivors, currently diagnosed, care giving for a loved one, or grieving the loss of a family member or friend due to cancer. TSOS allows everyone to share their narrative of the events leading up to and including diagnosis, treatment, and everyday life. Most often, people wonder what will happen to them, why this is happening to them, and for those that survive their loved one, they wonder what the future will be like after his or her death. These are questions that, when addressed and explored with an empathetic listener, can lead to redefinition of oneself and strength in a community of others with the same struggles, and allowing everyone to put the experience in a context of their lives.
The process of creating a narrative story about cancer is not easy to do in our society. Traditionally speaking, our society does not want to hear about the harsh realities of cancer as they are often hard to hear. For those not involved directly, it is easier to deny or misunderstand the struggles one with cancer experiences. This attitude is extremely counterproductive to those who would benefit from support, understanding, and empathy. In a society that turns away from illness and death, it is difficult for those with cancer and death related stories to share them. TSOS is a safe place for everyone to share their stories and be heard.
The act of writing itself has therapeutic value as it allows a person to organize thoughts and emotions in a coherent story. Narrative story telling through writing gives an individual the opportunity to put his or her story into a framework of who he or she is, allowing him or her to explore his or her situation without risking social stigmatization, and producing a sense of manageability. Some narratives are motivated by restoration or the hope to regain normalcy. For others in a state of turmoil, narratives serve as an outlet for their emotions. Other narratives take the form of a journey in which the individual comes to term with their illness, making sense and meaning from his or her experience. What can be perhaps most helpful is the opportunity to create a resolution to one’s story, which can be particularly important for life events which are emotionally distressing; a sense of resolution discourages rumination and puts an end to a cycle of negative thoughts.
TSOS is a unique place where people living with cancer, or those living with the aftermath of the devastating illness can share their stories in a safe and caring environment. Joining TSOS will provide you and your loved ones a sense of community through a virtual support group and sharing ground. Find comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and enhance your life through the benefits of sharing your story. We are here to listen.