Texting is Making us Dumber, Shallower, and Less Empathetic

Every generation thinks that new technology is going to lead to the downfall of our society. This time, though, they may be right.

By imagerymajestic, published on 16 July 2012

Stock Photo - image ID: 10092529 from Freedigitalphotos.net

A new study from the University of Winnipeg shows that "Those who text more than 100 times a day were 30% less likely to feel strongly that leading an ethical, principled life was important to them...Higher texting frequency was also consistently associated with higher levels of ethnic prejudice."

Although face paced social media such as Facebook and Twitter allow for increased connections with others, the connections are superficial at best. Replacing face to face or even voice contact with other people with short text based messages reduces the opportunities to reflect on what is being said, and allows room for tremendous misinterpretations. Without real human connection, teenagers and young adults are being less familiar with body language, reading facial emotions and social cues, and do not have patience to engage in thought provoking conversations. 

If we wish to be seen as more than the collectives of our social media projections then we must engage and cultivate that which makes us uniquely human, the ability to connect with one another beyond words. 

The Benefits of Narrative Story Telling for Cancer Survivors, Caregivers and the Bereaved

For those who do not know, I am a contributor for the innovative online support network "Their Story is our Story," a unique way to connect to others who are cancer survivors, fighters, caregivers, supporters and bereaved. TSOS is story driven; healing is promoted through telling one's story. A bevy of research has shown the physical, emotional, and psychological benefits of writing out one's story. In this way, TSOS is a groundbreaking resource for anyone wishing to gain support. Read my article below:

“I’m just so scared right now, and you know, I’ve got no one to talk to about it.” It was my final day at my internship with St. Barnabas Hospice, and although I had just dropped in to finalize paperwork with my supervisor, I ended up talking to one new patient before I left. These were the words of a 57 year old man dying from lung cancer and unsure if hospice care was right for him.

Among his many concerns about his failing health, more than anything he wanted to have someone to talk to, to reflect with on his experience. As a hospice patient/family volunteer, I visited with individuals who were dying and work with family members living with a loved one with a terminal illness. At the heart of my visits was one simple sentence: “I’m here to listen.” Here was a man facing terminal cancer, and he realized that he had a story he wanted to tell before it was too late; the story of his life. All he wanted was an audience.

This is the message behind “Their Story is Our Story;” we each have a story to tell, whether we are survivors, currently diagnosed, care giving for a loved one, or grieving the loss of a family member or friend due to cancer. TSOS allows everyone to share their narrative of the events leading up to and including diagnosis, treatment, and everyday life. Most often, people wonder what will happen to them, why this is happening to them, and for those that survive their loved one, they wonder what the future will be like after his or her death. These are questions that, when addressed and explored with an empathetic listener, can lead to redefinition of oneself and strength in a community of others with the same struggles, and allowing everyone to put the experience in a context of their lives.

The process of creating a narrative story about cancer is not easy to do in our society. Traditionally speaking, our society does not want to hear about the harsh realities of cancer as they are often hard to hear. For those not involved directly, it is easier to deny or misunderstand the struggles one with cancer experiences. This attitude is extremely counterproductive to those who would benefit from support, understanding, and empathy. In a society that turns away from illness and death, it is difficult for those with cancer and death related stories to share them. TSOS is a safe place for everyone to share their stories and be heard.

The act of writing itself has therapeutic value as it allows a person to organize thoughts and emotions in a coherent story. Narrative story telling through writing gives an individual the opportunity to put his or her story into a framework of who he or she is, allowing him or her to explore his or her situation without risking social stigmatization, and producing a sense of manageability. Some narratives are motivated by restoration or the hope to regain normalcy. For others in a state of turmoil, narratives serve as an outlet for their emotions. Other narratives take the form of a journey in which the individual comes to term with their illness, making sense and meaning from his or her experience.  What can be perhaps most helpful is the opportunity to create a resolution to one’s story, which can be particularly important for life events which are emotionally distressing; a sense of resolution discourages rumination and puts an end to a cycle of negative thoughts.

TSOS is a unique place where people living with cancer, or those living with the aftermath of the devastating illness can share their stories in a safe and caring environment. Joining TSOS will provide you and your loved ones a sense of community through a virtual support group and sharing ground. Find comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and enhance your life through the benefits of sharing your story. We are here to listen.

Vicarious Trauma and Self Care

Vicarious trauma describes the fatigue felt by overextending oneself to be a help to others, particularly in working with or listening to trauma stories. This is most common in the helping professions such as counseling and social work, though when a national disaster occurs, this can also be felt by the public exposed to images and stories related to the event. 

Such can be the case with the one year anniversary of Hurricane Sandy. In my previous post, I discussed post traumatic stress disorder, and the common signs and symptoms. Those who experienced PTSD in the weeks and months following Sandy may still feel the lingering effects of those trying weeks. But what about those who were not as deeply affected? What about those who weren't impacted at all by the storm? These individuals, farther removed from the event, who are finding themselves feeling uneasy during this anniversary time are experiencing a normal response to exposure to graphic and emotional stimuli. Just as a counselor who spends hours a day hearing and empathizing with trauma survivors internalizes these struggles, so too can the person who is exposed to a barrage of news stories recounting the horror of last year's storm. 

If you find yourself annoyed or aggravated over the onslaught of images of destruction, or resistant to watching interviews of mothers who lost their children, and families who lost their homes, know that you are not being insensitive, but are rather having a very normal reaction. In the days to come, local news stations will continue to recount the events of last year in great detail, and we all may find ourselves thinking, "enough already."

How can you shield yourself from this vicarious trauma? For starters, not spending hours in front of your television or computer can be a powerful tool. Though this may seem common sense, it is often difficult to pull oneself away from graphic images, much like rubber necking on a highway. No one really wants to see others suffer, but a morbid curiosity inherent in us all keeps us pulled in. If media cannot be avoided entirely, either feasibly or logistically, be sure to take breaks in between your exposure to images, videos, and interviews. Take this time to focus on something completely different; engage in a manual activity, such as cleaning, to change gears from sitting and thinking to moving and doing. Take care of yourself in whatever way is most helpful; for some this is exercise, for others it is reading, maybe a hot shower or bath would help you feel relaxed and less stressed.

Again, while these suggestions may seem obvious, in times of stress we often forget to do the most basic things that keep us happy and healthy. As always, Current Counseling is here as a powerful tool for reframing, redirection, and information regarding your mental and emotional health.

Resiliency after Sandy

“Coming up on an anniversary of something like a traumatic event can ramp things up and people can feel highly anxious and depressed,” Dr. Rachel Yehuda, director of the traumatic stress studies division at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City, told FoxNews.com. “It’s a time where there is a natural spike in symptoms, especially on a first year anniversary.” (read full article here)

This day marks the one year anniversary of Hurricane Sandy, a massive storm that ravaged the east coast, primarily New York and New Jersey. The devastation was unforeseen, and images of the wreckage barely did justice to the true reality of the storm's destruction. Without electricity and heat for over two weeks, many people experienced traumatic events such as having to evacuate their homes, loss or damage to property, inability to leave their homes, and a dramatic change in lifestyle. For several, going to work was an impossibility, and the few routines that we use as anchors for stability were not feasible. In Staten Island, you could see people siphoning gas from others' cars, and across New York and New Jersey cars stretched out for miles at gas stations. An alien sight to many, people stood on lines with handfuls of plastic gas containers, hoping to get gas before it ran out. In the chilly October weather, thousands went without heat, many in flooded homes. And as soon as we began to recover, we were hit by a tremendous snowstorm, adding further insult to injury.

Given the dramatic images and experiences of Sandy, it is not uncommon that many people also experienced acute or post-traumatic stress disorder. In fact, vicarious stress was also common, as the images of the damage were quite shocking. Both acute and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) share signs and symptoms. Acute traumatic stress disorder lasts for two weeks before resolving, whereas PTSD is considered if symptoms last beyond that. Some common symptoms of PTSD include:

• Be-experiencing the event through flashbacks, bad dreams, intruding thoughts
• Avoidance symptoms; staying away from places or events that are reminders of the experience, feelings of numbness, depression, or worry, difficulty remembering the event
• Hyper-arousal symptoms; being easily startled, feelings of tension, difficulty concentrating or sleeping
• In children, these symptoms may manifest in the form of bed-wetting, being unusually clingy, and acting out the event during play.

While a year has passed and many of us have gotten back to our normal lives, it is difficult to forget how badly Sandy impacted our lives. Despite restoration and rebuilding, the toll from the aftermath on our everyday lives even today is staggering. 

So how do we continue to take care of ourselves in the wake of tragedy, even into the future? It is important to be aware of any symptoms and/or emotions you may feel at this time. Heightened arousal and intrusive thoughts and memories are common during anniversaries of traumatic events. Some may experience a resurgence of sad or depressive symptoms which can range from mild to severe. Although this is a time in which bad memories may come back, it is also an opportunity to revel in our resilience. Despite the damage and continual losses faced, we have come together as families, friends, neighbors, and even strangers, to help one another in any way we can. Through the destruction, there was a common bond that was felt among the survivors, a bond that helped heal fresh wounds then and can support us now.

Countless research has shown that sharing our stories, particularly in writing, is incredibly therapeutic and useful in the healing process. With that in mind, over the next few days I am making myself available for anyone who wishes to talk about their Sandy Story. We can talk about what happened, how you made it through those troubling weeks, and how you continue to move forward. The comment section of this blog will also be used as a way for us to reach out to one another. If you wish to talk with me directly, you can email me at: jm18893p@pace.edu.

Do Values have any Value in this Country?

High School Student Suspended for being Designated Driver


A Massachusetts high school student had just finished her shift when a friend sent her a text messaging asking if she would pick her up from a party. The girl realized she was drunk, and had the wherewithal to ask a friend for a ride home. The driver, Erin Cox, picked up her friend as the police arrived to bust the party. Her high school has suspended Erin for even appearing at this party; despite the fact that she did not have any alcohol and that the police have corroborated her story, and despite the fact that she was not there as a party goer but rather a designated driver, the school recognizes no difference in her actions or the actions of those students who partook in underage drinking. As a school with a zero tolerance policy, there is no grey area.

When I first read this story, I was reminded of "The Heinz Dilemma" posed by noted psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg. Kohlberg held that there are three levels of moral thought, with a total of six steps from the first level to the highest level. He posed this scenario:

"A woman was near death from a special kind of cancer. There was one drug that the doctors thought might save her. It was a form of radium that a druggist in the same town had recently discovered. The drug was expensive to make, but the druggist was charging ten times what the drug cost him to produce. He paid $200 for the radium and charged $2,000 for a small dose of the drug. The sick woman's husband, Heinz, went to everyone he knew to borrow the money, but he could only get together about $ 1,000, which is half of what it cost. He told the druggist that his wife was dying and asked him to sell it cheaper or let him pay later. But the druggist said, "No, I discovered the drug and I'm going to make money from it." So Heinz got desperate and broke into the man's store to steal the drug for his wife.

Should Heinz have broken into the laboratory to steal the drug for his wife? Why or why not?^"

Kohlberg argued that whether a participant believed Heinz was justified in his actions or not was not important. What was truly important was why the participant believed this. It was the reasoning that participants came up with that was telling of their levels of moral thought. In a nutshell, Kohlberg devised three levels: Pre-conventional is best thought of as basing actions on rewards and consequences; "I will do this because I will be rewarded, I will not do this because only bad people do that." Conventional thought can be conceptualized as a dualistic view of behaviors; "Things are either right or they are wrong, and if the action is wrong, then it should never be committed." The final level is called Post-conventional thought, and is described as a means of thinking in terms of one's own moral and ethical values as opposed to what society deems as right or wrong.

Why should you know this? Well, for anyone who has young children in their lives, teaching children appropriate from inappropriate behaviors is very important. However, we also know that behavior typically not allowed is allowed in certain situations. You may tell a young child that she is not permitted to use the phone without permission, but in the event of an emergency she should absolutely call 9-1-1. And so as responsible adults we hope to guide younger generations away from an dichotomous view of absolute right and wrong, and foster an ability to decide what is right for themselves (when they are old enough, of course).

This brings us to Ms. Erin Cox. Her high school's zero tolerance policy holds that any activity related to underage drinking is wrong and will not be tolerated. This means that the girl who offered a sober driver is as guilty as the teenagers engaging in underage drinking. Regardless of her actions, Erin would have been engaging in some undesirable behavior and have to deal with certain consequences; breaking a school rule will result in suspension, loss of honors and privileges that she has worked hard to earn. Should she have knowingly allowing an intoxicated young girl to remain at a party with other drunk teens?  What would you have told your child to do?

I am seriously troubled at where our society is going. On the west coast we have teenagers (with adults in their lives who allow them to) get drunk and destroy a man's home without repercussion, and on the other side of the country a school punishes a girl for acting responsibly. While it's nice that some of us recognize the absurdity of these situations, acknowledging these issues alone is not stopping them. This is a very disturbing trend that seems to be pervasive on even small levels. When was the last time you went to a store and saw a young child behave inappropriately and wonder to yourself how his/her parent just allows the child to act out in that way without saying anything? How many entitled teenagers and young adults do you know that just expect the world to be handed to them? Is there a place for values in today's America?

Navy Yard Shooter Suspected of Mental Illness

Aaron Alexis Heard Voices

As my essay in "Counseling Today" noted, perpetrators of heinous shootings are often confirmed or suspected of having a mental illness. This raises many questions about what it means to be mentally ill, and the possibility of legislation that will require greater surveillance on individuals who are deemed potential threats. With every new tragedy that rattles this country, the sense of urgency to act grows immensely. Is the answer to separate the mentally ill from the rest of society? Do we force everyone to have psychiatric evaluations? Do you force doctors, teachers, and other professionals to report to the government any suspicions of troubled individuals? And what will be done with that information? Will these individuals lose their right to privacy? Will their freedoms be limited in order to ward off potential harm? Do we further stigmatize an already vulnerable population without any substantial threats, but rather hunches that are made by people who are not trained to recognize true mental illness?

 Is the answer to ban guns in totality? Some argue that without guns, these types of mass murders will not happen. This begs the question of whether or not it was the access to guns in particular that preceded such acts, or whether these acts are more of a result of the illness itself; would individuals who are very sick still act out if guns were not so accessible? Would they turn to other lethal methods such as homemade explosives, which have been used with some ease by others in the past? What is the overlap between those exercising the right to bear arms, and those who are likely to commit murder based on a mental illness? How many individuals out of the entire population of the mentally ill have committed murder? Despite the severity and seemingly frequent occurrence of these acts, with 1 in every 100 citizens being diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and roughly 25 in every 100 meeting the criteria for Depression (the two most frequently cited mental illnesses when these murders have been committed), it is clear that the diagnosis of mental illness alone is not enough to accurately describe those who would commit such horrendous shoot outs.

So what is the answer? I do not know, and it is safe to say that in realizing how many questions are raised for both of these popular solutions, this area is severely bereft of research. Acting on emotions rather than facts run very serious risks whether it is limiting the civil liberties of the mentally ill in particular, or taking away liberties of an entire nation.

I want your opinion. If you were in power, what would you do? What would you like to see happen?

A Day of Rememberance.

For many of us, this day always brings back visceral memories of where we were when we heard, how we spent the following hours, days, weeks, and a deep sense of pain and humility. Who among us was not affected by the events on that day? How did we cope, as individuals, as families, as communities, with the unimaginable death toll and reality of horror? On that day 12 years ago, it might have been impossible to imagine a future. However, here we are, together, continuing to make the lives of those lost a blessing.

This day undoubtedly impacts us each in different ways. Some people may feel a sense of anxiety or heightened awareness as they go about their daily routine. Others may feel sad, or confused. Some people may glue themselves to the television and news websites, soaking in every report, every testimonial, every memory. And others still may wish to avoid this topic all together.

However this day affects you, let yourself feel it. Do not fight against your feelings, even if you feel nothing; you do not need to break down and cry as a sign of respect for those we've lost. You may show your support by continuing to live your life and enjoy the freedom that our country stands for. If you or someone you know is feeling particularly emotional, make yourself available to release these emotions, whatever they be. There is no right or wrong way to feel today, there is only the opportunity to support one another as old and nightmarish memories resurface.

It has been shown through narrative therapy that the retelling of one's story is particularly helpful in processing traumatic events. No matter where you were, how old you were, or how personally you were affected, I invite you to share your stories here, in a safe and comforting space.

You can read more about the counseling for 9/11 related issues here.


God Bless America.